When I looked over my creative output in 2018 compared to years prior, I felt a bizarre mixed reaction of both excitement and dread. I feel like I tried some new things this year, but I also felt like a failure, because I feel like there are parts of me that stagnated or at times regressed during the past year. Instead of just keeping these feelings to myself, I’d rather write about it instead as part of one of my resolutions of the new year to write at least two blog posts a month.
When it comes to adding photos to this blog, I screwed up. There are moments when I treat this website as only the hosting place for “the best photos”, which lead to me post more photos on Instagram instead. I feel like I also didn’t make enough of an effort to actually improve my craft in any meaningful way. 2017 I took at least three photography classes and learned a breadth of tricks and even managed to dedicate myself to using Manual mode only. 2018? I took 0 classes and I feel like I blew off multiple chances to go someplace different and try out shooting some new photos. That’s not to say I didn’t go anywhere new. I went to St. Louis for a few days and took a plethora of photos. Same goes for Austin, Texas when I attended a wedding for my good friends Peter and Erin. But all those photos, I just held onto them or just posted some on Instagram. Only a few of those hundreds of photos made it onto the website. I’d like to change that for the new year now that I have a flash attachment for my camera. Maybe my skills will not dramatically improve like they did in 2017, but I still want to march forward and make myself a better photographer.
2018 was the year I gave up on dating. When I put myself out there in 2017 for the first time ever, I crashed into a huge explosion. Absolutely every date I went on whether I used Tinder, bumble, or okcupid just ended in me feeling depressed about myself because it never ended well. Nothing ever clicked, and i never went on a second date with anyone. I felt partially bad about myself for being overweight, but I felt worse for feeling unattractive when it came to my personality. So I stopped. I deleted all those apps and just spent the year alone again to see how I am. The answer is… a mix. On the plus side, I didn’t have to go anywhere and wonder if I was going to be stood up again by someone. But on the down side, there were moments when I felt like a failure for still being alone. I would just like to be in a relationship with someone before I turn 30… but I’m starting to feel like I became comfortable with dating way too late for that to be possible. Maybe I’ll try again this year, but who knows.
On a more positive note, the later half of 2018 involved me putting myself out there for multiple online projects. I’m now a Co-Host on a new podcast called Fun Time Calls that is hosted by my friend Jordan, who has also had me on for another podcast called Garglebox. Fun Time Calls is an odd project, because it’s basically just a recording of the conversations that happen on Discord calls between myself, Jordan, and our friend Ian. The show can vary in quality depending on what subjects a listener is into, but I have tons of fun doing it and watching it evolve overtime. I also had the honor of actually pretending to be Revolver Ocelot from Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain for Game Studies Study Buddies, a podcast hosted by Cameron Kunzelman and and Michael Lutz.
An online project I want to shout out in its own separate paragraph is Kingdom Hearts 101, my first ever twitch streaming commitment that only became possible thanks to building my PC in late 2017. It was, and still continues to be, a wild journey of learning the various tools that go into making an ongoing stream project work. Tasks like learning OBS, switching to Steamlabs, managing errors with my Elgato, having to purchase and install an actual internal capture card into my computer, and creating segments with adobe premiere all felt immensely satisfying to me. I’m not looking to be the next big twitch star or anything, but I would really like to get 50 people to follow me before the end of the year. In fact, I even started to create a backlog youtube channel for watching the older streams in smaller chunks as well to help folks catch up overtime. As someone with 26 followers on twitch now as of writing, that now feels more possible than ever.
I guess looking back now, I really did some cool things this year. I still feel like i slacked on several aspects of my life, but that only pushes me to do even more with myself in the future. So to end things, below are the listed resolutions I have placed on myself that I feel like i can manage by the end of 2019:
Write 2 blog posts on my website every month
Update my photo blog on my website with NEW photos once a week
Take at least one new photography class
Go somewhere different in town and take photos. Spend a weekend away from the usual things
Finish Kingdom Hearts 101 before the end of February
Read at least 3 books this year that aren’t comics
Continue to read Comics
Watch at least one new movie a month
If I can accomplish at least five of these, I will call 2019 a bigger success for myself. I hope 2019 in general somehow isn’t total shit.